Would you rather?

Have you ever played the game Would you Rather? I have had a question that would almost fit for this game running around in my head for the past couple of days.

Would you Rather?


Be a size 4 and die at the age of 44?
or
Be a size 24 and die at the age of 84?

All other things (health wise) would be equal.

My thoughts have spiraled to dark and not so pleasant places. This is one reason I have not been blogging lately. I have had some great adventures. (signing up for the health challenge for city, body and soul walk and health fair, water aerobics, pilates, and other things) My problem is that my thoughts keep centering on the negative things. The eating that is not in control. The scale not moving. The good chance that I will not make my goal of being 250lb by my 40th birthday. This is the big elephant in the blog. The little ticker at the top that counts down to my failure. Who cares that I am off some medications and others have been lowered? Who cares that I can go up a flight of stairs without being winded? Who cares that my clothing is still becoming too big even if the scale has not moved?

OK, I CARE! Now I just need to move on. I so need to make a joy chart. I need to record the encouragement I have received from friends, family and strangers. I need to document the positive changes I have done. This way when my brain goes to go down the dark and depressing path I can create the detour and get back on the healthy path. I am stronger and healthier than I was in January. I will continue to change and grow.  Self pep-talk over. Tonight is water aerobics!