Monday, July 25, 2011

Tonight has gone down the tubes

I was having a really good day. Food choices were in line and I enjoyed what I had during the day. I came home and had a small dinner before heading out to Tai Chi. Great time at Tai Chi. We are now up to move 14. Then at some point something switched in my brain. I am not sure what it was. I am still trying to analyze my feelings and what happened. I can not pin point exactly when things started to cycle in my brain. It feels like it was a switch, but it might have been a gradual thing over the past couple of days. Finally tonight it came to a head. When it became all about what I could eat before bed. Tonight I binged.

 It may not have been as bad calorie wise as I have in the past but a binge is a binge even if the calories are less. For me it is all about the mental state. The hiding of the food. The shame. The disgust. It was all there tonight. Since 8:30 this is what I ate: 7 mini-candy bars, small fries from Rallys, Roasted Wasabi Seaweed, Nacho Chips, and just finished with 2 double cheeseburgers from McDonalds. Cant forget the diet coke from Thornton's to wash it all down. I am sitting here thinking that I almost wish I could throw up. I am also at times thinking about what else in the house. Then the feeling of horror and disgust washes over me. I am feeling an itching under my skin and random thoughts are racing thru my brain. I am going to get a shower and then try to head to bed. Tomorrow is another day.


  1. Tomorrow. It. Will. Be. Better. I promise. --Susan

  2. Sorry to hear you are struggling :[ when I get the urge to binge late at night, I know it's usually not actual hunger, so I think about something I saw on someone's blog once: HALT. Sit down for a minute and think about what you're feeling. Are you Hungry? Angry? Lonely? Or Tired? Usually we misinterpret these feelings all as hunger.

    - If you're angry, do something physical - go for a walk, do a workout DVD/game, etc.
    - If you're lonely, reach out to someone - call a friend or family member, write a blog post, etc.
    - If you're tired, go to sleep! :)

    If, after those, you decide that you're really hungry, have a big glass of water, then something with protein to make you feel full faster/longer.

    And you're right - today is a new day. ♥

  3. Thanks Susan and Oh_mg. Today is being a better day.

  4. I've had that terrifying feeling "that I almost wish I could throw up." I'm proud of you for not doing that. If you need people to talk to about your feelings, please know that we're here for you.

  5. @sorryaboutyourweightThank you. I am glad that even though I have had the thoughts about throwing up it is something that I have never done. I was so nervous/scared about this post. I knew that you all would be there for me though!